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Husbands, Support Your Wives

I cannot stress enough what an amazing husband I have.  I’m not sure how I would have survived these past 2 months without his support, help, and love.

Having a newborn can be very trying on a marriage (look for this in an upcoming entry).  We’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster together, and we’ve argued probably more than we ever have, but at the end of every day he’s been my rock.

Blake requires a lot of attention during the day, though this is steadily getting better.  As a result, getting house chores in and general cleaning has been nearly impossible.  When Michael comes home from work there’s little I’ve done throughout the day other than maybe placed a dish or two in the dishwasher, fed the dogs, let them out, and if I’m LUCKY then I’ve fed myself at least once.  He walks in without hesitation and starts washing bottles, cleaning the kitchen, makes dinner, puts on a load of laundry, and performs various other housekeeping tasks.  I’ve never asked him to do any of this.  In fact, I always apologize profusely that I was unable to do it all during the day, because, s a wife, I feel it’s my duty while I’m home.  He always assures me that it’s no problem.  He’s completely understanding and compassionate.

So this is going to be a list where I’m doting on my husband and giving tips to all those other men out there. These are things you can do to support your wife during those first few months from someone who is fresh in the moment.  This is not coming from an award winning author who has written and sold one million copies of her book to help you get through this time.  This is from someone who is in it right now.  I’m offering you men to learn from someone who is  AMAZING….my husband. 🙂

-When she cries because things are hard, just let her cry.  Don’t tell her she’s acting irrationally.  That’s only going to make it worse.  We are hormonal. Bring her a tissue, hug her, hold her hand and ask how you can help.  There may be no way you can help, but just asking means the WORLD.

-When the baby has been crying for hours and she’s losing her mind, and you hear her screaming in the middle of the night, get up and take over for a bit to let her calm down.  Trust me, it’ll happen.

-Run a candlelit bubble bath for her.

-Don’t get upset when you come home and dinner isn’t ready. It’s not going to happen for a while, as she tries to figure out a routine.  Buy some frozen pizzas, hot pockets and keep them in the freezer for a quick dinner.

-Buy her a gift just because..(you don’t have to spend a lot of money) …and leave it somewhere where she’ll find it when you’re not around.  Watch the waterworks!  It just makes her week!  You’ll be arguing a lot at this time and that little reminder will make her fall in love with you all over again and forget all the arguing. It’s like a fresh start!

-Let her sit on the sofa holding the baby and make and bring her the bottle during feeding. (Or ask her if there’s anything she needs from the kitchen while she’s breastfeeding.)

-Offer to take over one whole night of getting up with the baby on a day that you’re off.  That one day of a full night’s rest will refresh her for DAYS!

-Empty the Diaper Genie.  We change most of the dirty diapers as it is, so check that thing frequently to see if it’s full.

-Help her with baby bathtime.  I don’t know what it is but we really think this is such a great bonding time between baby and parents.  Yes, it’s possible for it to be a “one man job”, but make it a family affair.  It may seem stupid to you, just do it. 🙂

-It’s been unrealistic to have a husband and wife date every week, but once a month AT LEAST should be a priority.  Secure someone to watch the baby and take your wife out for a day.

-Compliment her on what a good job she’s doing.  Words go a long way. That verbal support is sometimes just what we need to hear when we feel like we are failing and doing everything wrong.

-Dads, realize that she just doesn’t have as much time for you anymore.  It’s unfortunate, but things have shifted in your household.  You’re going to have to get creative in ways to spend time with her.  Plan meals around nap times so that you can sit at the dinner table and have adult conversation about your day.

-For the first few days or week of the baby coming home, get up with her during feedings.  If she’s anything like me then she won’t know what she’s doing and you’ll both be learning everything together.  It’ll be nice for her to have your support as you’re both in the learning process together. You can trade off middle-of-the-night feedings later.

-Don’t joke with her about the extra weight.  You may be teasing her in jest, but we are very sensitive to our bodies at this moment.

COMING SOON: Wives, Support Your Husbands.

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